You know what I hate more than anything, in regards to parenting? Discipline!!
I never had to discipline my first daughter. Because Caitlyn is special needs, there is never a reason to discipline her. I guess I got spoiled in that sense. I love that! She's the perfect child. :)
Today, I spanked my 3 year old. She told me I didn't love her anymore. This broke my heart. I remember when I was little feeling the very same way when I got in trouble, but if only you could explain to a 3 year old, that we do these things out of love! Ohh that pulls my heart strings so much!
3 has been the roughest age. Evangeline has made 3's terrible. I do not enjoy this stage of her life as much as I imagined that I would. Jocelyn will be 3 next May, and I do not see her being this difficult, like Angel. I could be totally off though. That is next year, and terrible 3's could sneak up on us with her too. Lord, I hope not!
Jocelyn is a really good child. She see's Angel get into trouble and automatically doesn't do those things Angel gets in trouble for. She isn't as curious as her sister is about things. Angel wants to be little miss independent and do everything she wants to do, and has no fear of consequence. She doesn't like getting in trouble, but it is almost as if it doesn't phase her. Taking toys away, spanking, time out... none of it really bothers her, or teaches her lessons. Maybe it is her age, but I am really worried that I am not hard enough on her, and that her daddy is too hard on her. And then when Jocee gets in trouble sometimes, she cries out, "I got a spank, I be bad. I sowee Mommy." She is always remorseful. Angel, not so much. This confuses and saddens me sooo much. :( Guess I can't expect them all to be the same.
The first time I had to discipline her, I bawled like a baby for a week. No joke! It was so hard on my heart. She looked at me as if I just broke her heart in a million pieces. Oh man. I will never forget how it made me feel, and still makes me feel to this day to get onto her. I feel so guilty!
She is so darn cute, and she has a heart of gold. She just likes to get into EVERYTHING, and she loves going outside to play with all the roly poly's she can find... and pick flowers, and just be a happy child...and I love that about her, until she does something she isn't supposed to.
Maybe the way I feel is completely normal, but I HATE it. I feel like a bad mom sometimes when I have to yell at her, or worse, spank her. :( My husband is a better authoritarian figure. He handles discipline way better than I do. I can't help it. I am a big soft-hearted mommy.
Maybe I need to just suck it up. She is going to get harder to control if I don't get a hold of it now. Oh my gosh, she will be a teenager before I know it! :P I have been reading other mom blogs for advice. I need prayers for consistency and patience! xo.