In Missouri, yesterday the weather was 80 degrees. We wore shorts. We hung outside all day, and today? 41 degrees. Snow in Kansas City. Snow coming this way. What? It's May 2nd!! You have got to be kidding me. Missouri weather is whack!
Life has been very stressful but good for me & my pham. I love my little family with all my heart!! Adam and I are doing extremely well, and are very happy. We've been making the most of our time together. Always being silly and actually getting out and doing more for our babies together. Basically the joy of our lives is watching our girls grow. Our sweet girls are growing like weeds. And that last line was really an understatement.
Caity now weighs 60lbs (holy jeezemz!) & she's not had her spinal fusion surgery yet for her scoliosis, but she has it scheduled for July 18th now. Took her today to do some lab work at St. John's Children's Hospital PICU because Caity's veins are impossible to find when we were sent to the lab, and it took 4 nurses to figure out how to get enough blood from her. She ended up getting blood out of her foot, which was a ridiculous hassle, but glad it got done, & then she also had an EKG done. As far as I was told today, her heart is fine, THANK YOU LORD!!
Caity has a dr appointment tomorrow for a check up and we will be doing new referrals/adjustments to things. Fun fun. Just playing the waiting game for her as always. Things are extremely slow when it comes to getting her needs taken care of. Makes me sad that its out of my control. I do what I can, but it's wearing me out. Stressing me out. I can hardly move because I threw my back out for the 4th time lifting her the other day when I took her to the park. It's so bad right now that I cannot lift her on my own or walk hardly without severe pain. :( What a downer. I've bawled like a baby all week. Trying to figure out what is best for her, while still taking care of ME, so I can be the best Momma to her. Really emotional week for us. Me especially & for Adam bc he worries about me. I worry about Caity the most, as always & wonder if it really is in her best interest to be living at home with me, when she could thrive in a facility where she could get around the clock medical care. Ahh. :( I will never give up on Caity. She needs me.
And I need her. Nobody will love her or take care of her the way I do. Even on her worst days, and on mine, we still manage to make eachother smile through tears! She is my soul-mate and I know when I asked GOD for her, he answered my prayers. She is exactly who I needed in my life. And I know she needs me! To fight for her, to protect her, & to love her. <3
I don't know how some parents can just give up their children for being permanently disabled, special, or different. Makes me sick to my stomach & extremely sad. However, I have considered it this week. Not for my own personal gain, but for Caitlyn's. I get why some people just can't handle the stress. I am at my breaking point too. My spirits have been so down about it, but I knew this was a challenge when I learned of her disabilities 6 years ago. Just didn't know this reality would ever get here. Now it is. Scary not knowing what the future holds for Cait. I will keep trying to give her the best life I can.
**On a positive note, she has been working really really hard on sitting up with no support in the last couple months!! So proud of her!!
<---Before Angel & Jocee left with their grandparents, we took lots of funny face pictures. Man my girls are silly. Angel even called them out before we snapped each one. "Scary face! Sleepy face! Big Eyeball face! Weirdo face!" I couldn't stop laughing. These ones were pretty cute!
I am seriously over here staring at this picture collage of Jocelyn. I am absolutely loving Jocelyn's new haircut. Adam doesn't love it like I do, but that's okay. It'll grow back out! Short hair is so becoming of her! I also just cannot get enough of her cute face!!! Her haircut made her look older, in my opinion. I cut it because she was always pushing it out of her face, and she hates ponytails or anything other than clips or headbands to hold her bangs out. When I cut it, she was so happy & told me that she loves her hair!! What a big girl!I realized today when it was just me & Caity at home all day by ourselves that I do not LIKE my other two being away from me. I know they are having a great time at their grandparents house, but I NEED the chaos of them around me 24/7. I was born to be a Mom. I cannot handle quiet time, no extra snuggles or somebody not needing me. I live for them. And cannot wait to see them when they come home. I heard their voices on the phone today and melted when I got to hear their phone voices for the first time. <3
Oh, so... Adam's little sisters Destinee & Sarah moved in with us a couple months ago. They are going to college & will be living with us for their first year of college. I am proud of them. Life is more fun when they are around, and the girls love getting to know their Aunts more. We are moving into a bigger home very soon. Cannot wait. Will post photos once we get moved & settled. Wish it weren't so darn expensive to move, but it will be worth it to have more space for our family to grow!
Hmm.. Not sure what to update. That's the gist of life lately. Really. Just dealing with trying to support everybody & get things accomplished for Caity & moving into a bigger house. Stressful stuff. lol
My family life has changed recently. I just lost my little brother Ryan (pictured left in hat) on March 29th and then on April 4th, the day before my brother was buried, my other little brother Kevin & his gf Julie welcomed their new son into the world & named him Ryan Michael. I will miss my brother very much. He and I weren't always close, just because we never got to see eachother a whole lot growing up, but in the last few years, we really appreciated eachother since becoming parents. We became parents for the first time around the same time. He had 3 sons and I had 3 daughters. We had that in common. We also got married at the same chapel in Miami, OK. We talked a few days before he passed away and on the night he died, I had my own near death experience with mixing bleach & comet in the shower, with no ventilation, & I slipped on a wet rug, hit my head, blacked out & then couldn't breath from the bad fumes. It was terrible & scary, and at that time, I missed a phone call... which turned out to be from the same # my brother called me from the last time I spoke to him. It was like a sign from GOD. I found out a few hours later my brother had died of a drug overdose. So hard to live with. :( My whole family is heartbroken. Please pray for them. I hope my parents & sister & other brothers find peace one day. It's going to take me a little while. In the mean time, I am going to try to love on baby Ryan and help make sure he is taken care of.
I love my brothers very much! (Not pictured is my brother Brandon who I have yet to meet in person!)
The photo in the bottom middle is of all 5 of us, me, Kevin, Cody, Brandie & Ryan. The only photo of all of us together! Makes me sad, but I am glad I have at least one photo.
We will miss you Ryan Lee!<3
And I am gonna stop typing for the night. My heart is heavy. Ahhh. :'(